Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
