I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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