drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
