Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
