she woke up with a sticky ear
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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