remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
