doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
