Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
