I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
is this the sara with the beer cane?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
