he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
