bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
