i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
