This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
