I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
