New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
