K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
