So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
