i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
