I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
