She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
