Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
