He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
