Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
