No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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