just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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