he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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