I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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