theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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