I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
