Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
