I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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