Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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