OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
