This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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