every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
