you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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