How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
