woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Randomize
