Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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