Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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