Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
