Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
