3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
