You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Oh god it's open bar.
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