She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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