I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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