so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
