what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
