Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
