Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
